Bengals Sign Top Free Agent, Create SuperTeam

Watch the Ochocinco and T.O. Show, Sundays this Fall on CBS

CINCINNATI, OH – The entire landscape of professional sports, as we knew it, changed dramatically on July 27, 2010 when WR Terrell Owens decided to take his talents to the banks of the Ohio River and sign with the Cincinnati Bengals. The highly touted and sought after free agent decided to join fellow VH1 Reality TV Celebrity/NFL wide receiver Chad Ochocinco  and WR Antonio Bryant, making the Bengals some sort of super team, the likes of which have never been seen in any sport. Never before have superstar athletes banded together on one team to form a roster that would more likely appear in a video game than on a football field.

Man Unsure If Athlete Got New Contract Or Prison Sentence

After hearing the end of a sports newsflash on the radio, Tacoma resident and casual basketball fan Alan Wood had no idea whether NBA shooting guard Gilbert Arenas had signed a lucrative, multi-million dollar deal with one of the league's thirty franchises, or if he had instead been condemned to a lengthy stay in jail. Wood turned on the radio just in time to hear the broadcaster say "...sources report that Arenas will be looking at four or five years, although both sides say negotiations are not yet complete." Arenas, nicknamed Agent Zero, has averaged 22.7 points and 2.3 guns in his locker per game in his career. "Huh", said Wood.

Cristiano Ronaldo Ready to Put "Team American Idol: International" Failure Behind Him

MADRID- The Portuguese superstar is nearly ready to start getting over his heartbreak in South Africa. After almost two weeks spent cooped up in his summer villa outside Madrid, Cristiano Ronaldo finally emerged with puffy eyes and unkempt hair to talk to reporters at a Real Madrid press conference. "I don't know how to explain our failure," he told the media. "[The Portuguese National Team] sang beautifully. We lined up in a straight line, just like the judges wanted. Our hair was puh...puh...perfect," Ronaldo sobbed. The crooner/winger admitted that he did not put much effort into the friendly soccer matches the competing singers played after the game, claiming that he was already focused on the next sing-off of national anthems. He did vow to come back with a stronger voice than ever at the Team American Idol: Europe competition in two years time.

Our Favorite World Cup Moments

For this post we all decided we would collaborate on a question and see what our answers were. The World Cup having just ended was the obvious topic to focus on. So our prompt was to think of our favorite World Cup moments. This is what we said:

Pablo:

Four agonizingly long years had passed since Fabio Grosso tucked his penalty kick away to hand Italy its fourth World Cup title in a shootout over France. South Africa 2010 was an eternity away.

The Way I See It

The way I see it is that I haven't had a post in quite some time and the world of sports is quite different now. The Saints won their first Super Bowl, we found out Tiger Woods likes sex and a lot of it, Uconn Women destroyed everyone- again, a rapist won another NBA championship, Brett Favre continues to be an asshole, a dream team of basketball scum has been formed in Miami, and a historic sports owner/manager George Steinbrenner's untimely death.

Kevin Durant: Not Your Average Superstar

It was the 2006-2007 season and my beloved Celtics were in the midst of one of their worst seasons ever.  They ended the season with an abysmal record of 24-58, including a record breaking 18-game losing streak. The Celtics had a good shot of getting one of the top 2 picks in the 2007 NBA draft.  So I spent most of that season watching college basketball looking to find out more about the top 2 prospects. One of these prospects was a frail old man, who was posing as a 7 foot college freshman at Ohio State, and the other was this skinny kid from Texas who could definitely play some basketball. As it turned out, the Celtics ended up with the 5^th overall pick which they traded for an NBA Championship instead of drafting Yi Jianlian.

Death of King George Steinbrenner III Embroils Yankee Empire Into Civil War

Bronx, New York

Just hours after the Tuesday morning death of King George Steinbrenner III, the sovereign overlord of the Yankee Empire, with lands extending from the neighborhoods of the Bronx, to the barrios of Latin America, to the crowded streets of Tokyo, Japan, his two sons Prince Hank Steinbrenner, and Prince Hal Steinbrenner, both General Managing partners within the organization, began a war for sole possession of the throne.